


Do you think I'm insane?

by Nightsaroundthebonfire6040



Category: The Maze Runner Series - All Media Types
Genre: Curious Newt, Depressed Thomas, Hallucinations, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Thomas feels insane, Thomas has PTSD
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-19
Updated: 2016-06-07
Packaged: 2018-05-21 07:09:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 15,190
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6042714
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nightsaroundthebonfire6040/pseuds/Nightsaroundthebonfire6040
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Every Monday afternoon, Thomas takes the bus to go to his psychiatrist appointment. He usually sits alone, until on day, a blonde guy starts to sits next to him. For three weeks, he sits with him, and Thomas finds it odd so on the fourth week, he changes seat, only to have the blonde join him, and engage a conversation.<br/>Why is that guy so interested in him? That's what Thomas wonders.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

When Thomas enters in the bus, he sees the blonde stranger sitting alone. He walks pass him and sits on the back, rests is head on the window and closes his eyes. Then he feels someone sitting beside him, and chooses to ignore it, but his eyes shot open and he flinches when he feels the person tapping lightly on his shoulder. He's surprised when he realises the person is the blonde stranger. He's smiling, and Thomas wonders why.

"Hey my name's Newt." The blonde says. He sounds...kind, which Thomas thinks is strange, because why would he be kind to him.

Thomas doesn't know what to do, what to say. This Newt guy is sitting here beside him, and he seems like he wants to talk to him. Why? He's a bad person, no one should want to befriend him. The  situation feels so odd to him he just blankly stares at the blonde.

After a short moment of silence, Newt awkwardly scratches the back of his head before speaking.

"What's your name?" 

Now he wants to know is name? Thomas doesn't understand why he would want that, so he does what he always does when he doesn't understand something; he starts scratching the back of his right hand. 

Newt frowns at the brunette's lack of response and his eyes fall on his hand. They widen when he sees the boy's right hand is covered with angry scratches. He reacts on impulse and grabs the boy's left hand. 

"Dude, don't do that! Your hand is all damaged already!" He exclaims. 

Thomas is shocked. This stranger just forbad him from hurting himself, and now he's stroking the back of his left hand with his thumb. No one has ever done that to him before.

"Are you okay?" Newt asks in a worried tone. 

He is so kind that Thomas doesn't want to make him worry, so he nods. Newt relaxes and lets go of his hand.

"You're not much of a talker are you?" The blonde says with a small smile.

Thomas only shakes his head. Newt doesn't seem to mind though. 

"That's okay."

Newt stays silent for the rest of the ride, and waves him goodbye when he gets off the bus. 

When Thomas enters in Dr.Paige's office, he sits on a chair in front of the woman and puts his backpack on the floor.

"So, how are you Thomas?" She asks with a genuine smile on her lips.

She is always kind with him, and very soft. He likes that, it makes him open up very easily. She's the only person he really talks to, the only he person he tells everything to.

"Something odd happened. I was in the bus, and this guy, he came and sat beside me, he talked to me and when I started scratching my hand he grabbed the hand I was doing it with and told me to not do it, he was very kind. It's strange." "Would you like to be friend with him?" "...Yeah? I don't know... I mean, Why would he want to even talk to me, I'm deranged." He bows his head down. "I don't think you're deranged." She pauses a moment. "Did you go back to high school?" 

Thomas winces. He knows it's stupid because Dr.Paige would never judge him, but he can't help it. It's been three weeks and a half since the last time he went to school. 

"No." "Why?" "Honestly? I just ... I don't feel like going." "What do you feel like doing then?" "Sleeping. I sleep a lot. I like it." Dr.Paige purses her lips and her eyes fall on Thomas's thighs. "Have you been self harming lately?" It's a tough question, but her tone is light so the brunette doesn't feel too umcomfortable. "Yeah. I did it again three days ago. I really tried to stop, but everything around me triggers me. I've been feeling worse lately to be honest. I feel like everyone's getting on with their lives, and then there's me. I can barely get out of bed, I don't eat, I can't talk to strangers, ... I am a terrible mess." He sighs. "Thomas, you know you don't have to answer me, but do you want to talk about what happened ten years ago ?" 

 Thomas's body instantly stiffs and he starts furiously scratching the back of his hand. Dr.Paige leans toward him and puts a warm hand on his arm.

"It's okay Thomas. " She tries to comfort him. 

He knows he'll have to talk about it eventually, just not now. 

Dr.Paige smiles at him, and he can see pity in it. 

 

When Thomas gets back home, it's 07:39PM and the house is empty. He's used to it.

He goes to his bedroom and takes his shoes off before throwing himself on his bed and closing his eyes.

 

Newt is happy tonight. He finally got to talk to the mysterious boy from the bus, and even though he never talked back, it's enough to make him smile. His interest for the brunette is getting bigger, and he really hopes that one day he'll talk to him, and tell him why he scratches the back of his hand for example, or why he always looks so sad. Newt thinks no one deserves to look this sad, and his new goal is to do everything he can to make the brunette smile.

 


	2. Chapter 2

On next Monday, as soon as Thomas gets in the bus, he sees Newt who's smiling at him and gesturing him to come sit beside him. For a moment, Thomas considers ignoring the blonde, but then a little voice in his head, the good one, tells him ' _it's okay, you can sit with him_ ' so he does. 

"Hey!" Newt happily exclaims.

Thomas gives him a small smile in response. He still doesn't get why Newt would talk to him, but Dr.Paige told him he should try and stop overthinking everything. 

"God, this weather is awful isn't it?"

He's right, it's pouring rain outside. Thomas nervously nods, and he intends to scratch the back of his hand, but Newt must've sensed it because he grabs both of them.

"Please, don't do it. Okay?" 

He sounds so hopeful that Thomas can only nod in response. Newt's lips widen into a big smile as he lets go of his hands.

"Cool. Hey I just realised I don't know your name! Can you tell me?"

Two voices start fighting in Thomas's head. ' **He still wants to know your name? Why? That dude must be a bit suicidal.** ' The bad voice says, and the good one disagrees ' _Thomas it's great! That guy is genuinely kind, he's a potential friend! and remember, you are NOT dangerous._ ' ' **Of course you are dangerous Thomas!** ' ' _No you're not! C'mon tell him your name!_ ' ' **Yeah, c'mon Thomas, tell him your name, and then fuck everything up like the last time you had a friend!** '

They are driving him crazy. They always do. 

 

Newt panicks when he sees the brunette shutting his eyes tightly and clutching his head. 'God, what have I done?' He thinks as he leans toward the boy and puts his hands on his cheeks in order to make him look up.

"Hey, it's fine if you don't wanna tell me, okay? Don't worry." 

He lightly strokes the boy's cheeks with his thumbs and looks him in the eyes. They are wide open, filled with shock, questions, and he can also see sadness in the background. Newt sighs. He hates it when people are sad, and this boy doesn't look sad to him, he looks broken. He gives him a reassuring smile and wraps his arms around him. 

"I don't know what happened to you, but I promise you it'll get better, and I'll help you if you want me to. And I know it's completely weird and even a bit creepy considering we barely know each other, but I don't care. And it's fine if you don't talk at first, I'll talk for two." 

 

Thomas wants to believe Newt, he wants to believe that he's allowed to have a friend, someone who will take care of him and like him. But the idea that he could hurt Newt terrorises him. 

So he tells it to Dr.Paige.

"Have you been taking your medications?" She asks him after he's done talking. "No, it makes me feel...insane. I threw them away." "Thomas, you are not insane, and the medications will stop the voices, you have to take them." "I know, but I just wanna try and deal with the voices without the meds you know? I mean, It's only the voices, I don't, I don't see him anymore. I haven't for like two months. It's a good thing right?" "It is, but if you see him again, tell me and I'll prescribe you new medications okay?" "Okay."

And he's honest when he agrees. He can deal with the voices, but he knows he won't stand it if he sees  **him** again. 

"Do you think I should befriend Newt?" He asks, bitting his lips. "I do. It would be a good thing Thomas, that boy looks very nice and I'm sure it would help you. So when you see him next monday, at least try to tell him your name." I'll try." 

When the appointment is over, Thomas doesn't feel like taking the bus, he doesn't even feel like going home. Soe decides to go the pub a couple of streets away from where he is, he knows they sell alcohol to minors there, they don't care how old you are as long as you pay. 

He sits at the bar and the Minho, the barman, gives him a beer.

He's been coming here for over a year, Minho knows him now and he also knows he doesn't like talking, so everytime he sees him sitting behind the bar he gives him a beer, because that's the thing he gave him the first Thomas came and the brunette always nods so he figures it means he likes it.

Then Thomas starts thinking about his life in general. His pathetic excuse of a life. Sometimes he thinks it's like he was dead, but his heart is always heavy, too heavy, that's what reminds him he's alive. He used to be happy. His parents used to love him and he used to feel sane, but then everything went down to hell. Now he's sad, he could go a week without leaving his room and his parents wouldn't care and he's constantly cold. He puts mutliple layers of clothes to try and warm himself up, but it doesn't work. He thinks it's a kind of twisted metaphore. He will never feel warm again unless he finds a way to be happy. And of course being happy includes eating. Dr.Paige told him feeling cold is a symtpom of bad eating habits. And she's right. Food disgusts him. He's not anorexic or bulimic, his psychiatrist agreed, he's just too depressed to eat. He still forces himself to eat at least every two days. That reminds him he has to eat tonight. 

He takes a deep breath and looks up. Even though he's known the guy, Minho, for a year, it's still hard for Thomas to talk to him.

"Can I..." He nervously begins before Minho speaks "Get a club sandwich?" Thomas smiles and relaxes. "Yeah." 

Minho smiles back and winks at him before shouting his order to to the cook. Five minutes later, he hands him his plate.

Thomas grabs a sanwich and slowly bits in it. It's like a mechanism, he chews on it and swallows without an ounce of pleasure. He's sure it must be delicious becaus he often sees customers ordering this and chatting about how good it is, but for him it's just something he needs in order to survive, and it pains him. He wishes he could enjoy eating, or just enjoy life in general.  

Three hours later, Thomas gets out of the pub. It's dark outside, and he's freezing, but he still decides to walk to his house instead of taking a bus. He walks slowely, his hands in his pockets and his headphones on. A group of young adults walk pass him. They are all laughing and they look happy. He wishes he could be like them. ' **But that's the problem Thomas, you can't because you don't deserve it. You're the worst human being on earth Thomas. remember what you did ten years ago? That's what monsters do. Monsters like you, because that's what you are, a monster.** '

He can't stand it anymore, tonight he can't deal with this voice in his head, and the six beers he's got in his blood system don't help. So he bursts in tears, and  when he gets home, he runs to his bedroom and locks the door, then he grabs a box in his drawer and takes a razor blade out of it. He takes his pants off, sits at the end of his bed and angrily slices his thighs. The cuts are too deep, too much blood comes out of them and it's staining his sheets, but he doesn't care. He just wants to feel relief. 

Once he finally feels it and the voice stopped talking to him, he puts the box back in his drawer with the razor blade in it, and lays on his bed. His heart is heavier, just like his breathe, and he's crying.  'I'm fucking insane.'

 

 

When Minho finally steps into his flat, he is exhausted. He throws his keys on the dining table and walk to the living room, where is flatmate is laying on the couch and watching TV. 

"Hey Newt!" He exclaims as he sits beside him. The blonde smiles and playfully kicks him in the thigh. "Hey. You look like shit." "Thanks man! Sometimes I wonder why you are my best friend." "Because I'm the only one willing to put up with you." Minho rolls his eyes. "Hey guess what?" Newt suddenly says. "You baked me cookies?" Minho hopefully suggests, at which Newt laughs. "No. But you know that brunette I told you about? The one who doesn't like talking?"Minho nods. "It's strange that you talk about this guy tonight because a guy who's been coming to the pub for like a year came tonight, and it'd been a least a month. He hates talking." Newt frowns. "Really? What does he look like?" "Tall, skinny, brunette. He always wears tons of shirts and sweaters with a scarf." Newt's eyes widen. "oh my god does he scratch the back of his hand to blood?" "Yeah! how do you know that?" "Minho it's him! I mean, the guy from the bus, and your customer! they're the same person!" The blonde concludes and stands up. "Did you talk to him?" He asks the asian boy. "Not really. The first time he came he looked like he'd been crying. He sat at the bar and, you know, he didn't sa anything, he was just blankly staring at me, so I gave him a beer, and he nodded, so now every time he comes I give him a beer. I think the first time he talked back was four months ago, when he asked for a club sanwich. And that's the only kind of conversation we have." He pauses, and turns his head toward his friend. "And you?" he asks. "No, when I asked him his name, he freaked out and started clutching his head." He says, and Minho can hear the sadness in his voice. "This guy's completely broken Min, and I hate it. No one deserves this." Minho silently agrees.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So by now you must be wondering who the hell is "him", and what happened to Thomas. Don't worry, you'll find out!  
> I hope you liked this chapter, please comment! xx


	3. Chapter 3

It's monday afternoon, and Thomas is on the bus, sitting with Newt. The blonde has been talking for two minutes now, but Thomas's not listening to him. He's wondering if he could tell him his name. He really wants to and Dr.Paige's sentence is playing over and over and his head.

He finally decides.

"My name is Thomas." He blurts out. Newt's eyes shot up, and a big grin takes place on his lips. "Well it's nice to meet you Thomas." He declares. 

Thomas doesn't talk for the rest of the ride, but Newt doesn't care, because he told him is name and it's enough.

 

"I told him my name." is the first thing Thomas says when he enters in Dr.Paige's office. "That's very great!" She exclaims with a smile on her lips, and Thomas smiles back. 

For the first time in years, he did something in order to befriend someone, and it might seem meaningless for others, but for him it's a huge step ahead.

"Did you tell him anything else?"

Thomas shakes his head and looks down. ' **Of course you didn't, you know why? Because... you.are.a.pathetic.failure.'**  The words the bad voice pronounces hurt more than usual. It makes him both sad and angry, because he knows he's trying very hard to be normal. He can feel tears filling his eyes and something like frustration growing inside of him. ' **Aw, is poor little Thomas gonna cry like a baby? Pathetic.'**  He greets his teeth. 'C'mon Thomas, you can be strong.' He tells himself, then he hears the voice laughing at him. ' **You stupid boy! You are not strong, Thomas not at all. You're fucking weak**.'

"SHUT UP!" Thomas shouts, and gasps when he realises it. "S-sorry, I..." "Were you talking to the voice?" "I...Yeah." Dr.Paige purses her lips. "Thomas, I'm gonna give you a prescription, and you'll have to promise me you'll take the medications, okay?" Thomas frowns. "But I already told you I didn't want them..." "I hate to do this Thomas, but if you refuse to take them, I'll have to fill up an admition for you in a ward." She tells him, and he can see she means it when she says she hates to threaten him. 

She's the only person he really trusts to be honest, and he knows if she says she needs the medications, than he really does. 'I'm insane after all...' 

"I'll take the meds." He nods, and she smiles at him. "Good." She pauses. " And about your eating habits? How is it going?" "I eat every two days, usually at dinner time. sometimes I eat two days in a row."

Usually if someone tells you that, you get concerned, you worry, and you offer them food, but Dr.Paige knows him, ans she also knows Thomas used to go more than six days without eating, so she sees it at an improvment. 

"That's good, Thomas, you have to keep going like that." 

And Thomas smiles. It's nothing like the grins he often sees on strangers's lips, but it's still something, because it's a meaningful smile. 

 

On Tuesday evening, Thomas knows he has to eat, but he doesn't feel like cooking anything, and his parents are out. He considers just skipping dinner and going back to sleep, but then he remembers his conversation with his psychiatrist, and decides to go eat at the only pub he's comfortable enough to order something. He stays in bed for ten good minutes, then he sighs, rubs his eyes and get up. He gets dressed, grabs his phone and his headphones, and gets out of his house. Tonight, he's too tired to walk so he goes to the bus stop and sit on the bench under the shelter before closing his eyes.

Sudeenly, someone nudges him in on the shoulder. He opens his eyes, and jumps in surprise when he sees Newt sitting beside him. The blonde chuckles as he takes his headphones off.

"It's good to see you! Where are you going?" Newt asks.

Thomas nervously  gulps. 'Okay don't freak out, everything is FINE.' he tells himself. He wants to scratch the back of his hand, but he doesn't do it, because Newt asked him to not do it and, strangely, he wants to make him proud of him. He try to pull himself together and speaks.

"Pub." Is the only word that comes out of his mouth. 

The brunette feels so stupid he wants to cry, and he actually feels tears filling his eyes. But Newt doesn't mock him, and it makes him feel a tiny bit better.

"You're going to The glade?" Thomas nods, and Newt's face lit up. "Hey me too! My best friend works here, I think you know him, his name's Minho, a tall Asian boy. Do you want to have dinner with me?" Newt's smile is enormous and he looks really excited at the idea of having dinner with him, so Thomas cracks a smile and nods. "Cool!" Newt exclaims.

Then Newt's hand brushes Thomas's and he frowns.

"Thomas your hand is super cold." He notices. 

Newt then eyes him worriedly before taking both his hands and bringing them to his lips. He's careful not to hurt the already damaged skin on the back of Thomas's hand while he blows on them to try and warm them up. 

 

Thomas watches him in awe. Newt is so kind to him, and, for once, his urge to cry is not caused by a negative feeling.

"Better?" Newt asks as he rubs Thomas's hands.

The brunette nods and smile. And he's honest, he doesn't know how, but he does feel better, less cold. The feeling is foreign to him, he's so used to feeling cold he forgot how being warm felt. 

 

Newt smiles, and starts letting go of Thomas's hands, but when he sees the boy frowning, he decides to grab Thomas's not damaged hand back and tangles their fingers together. He's a very touchy person, so he doesn't mind at all, and he finds it great that Thomas seeks for phyisical contact despite his lack of talking. 

He then looks down at Thomas's headphones. 

"You can put them back on if you want." He tells him. 

Thomas nods, bring one headphone to his left ear, and hesistantly holds the other out for Newt to take it. The blonde smiles and put it on. U-Turn, by Aaron, is playing. Thomas loves this song, it helps him calm down. Music in general relaxes him. For the first time in years, Thomas feels peaceful, thanks to Newt. His friend. It's still odd for him to even think he has a friend, but he hopes he'll get used it.

 

 

They've been in the pub for a hour and a half now.  

Newt talks a lot, and Thomas likes it. He talks about everything and anything. Now Thomas knows that the blonde is twenty-one years old, he's been living with his bestfriend Minho for two years, he used to live in England and he moved to America when he was sixteen years old, and he works in a library. 

The blonde has been talking about music for ten minutes now.

"You've got pretty good tastes by the way! Aaron, The fray, Bon Iver... They're all pretty cool!" Newt exclaims with a bis smile plastered on his lips. 

Thomas smiles back. He deosn't know why, but knowing that Newt approves his music tastes make him kind of happy. He wants to show him more of the music he likes, so he grabs his phone, unlocks it and goes on his music app before handing it to the blonde whose smile gets even bigger. Thomas wonders how it's even possible.

"Youth, The Lumineers, Lana del rey, Eagles, Beirut, Florence and the machine, Silversun pickups, Of monsters and men...Damn Thomas your whole playlist is bomb!" Newt says before handing Thomas's phone back to him. "Hey, Did you ever hear about Fauve?" Thomas shakes his head and frowns before leaning toward Newt, interested. "It's French, it's pretty cool, the lyrics are pretty deep. Do you understand French?" 

Thomas nods. When he was thirteen years old, he started watching French movies and shows, then he read books in French, and now it's like French was is first language. He doesn't say it though, he never was one to brag. 

"Cool! Then you should definetely check their songs out. I recomand you  "Blizzard". But really all their songs are amazing. " 

Thomas smiles, and wonders how many times he's done it during the evening. 

Then Minho arrives with his coat on. 

"My shift's finally over! I'm going home, Newt you want to come with me?" Minho asks the blonde. "Yeah, I'm tired." Newt says before turning to Thomas. "Do you want a ride? Minho's got a car." 

Thomas nods. 

When they reach his home, Newt gives him his phone number and they happily wave him goodbye. As soon as he enters in his house, he feels cold again, but a warm feeling stays in his chest, and it's enough for him. 

He walks to his room and turns his computer on. He goes on Youtube and types "Fauve", then he clicks on the first song he sees; Blizzard.

 

_Oh qu’est-ce que tu fais ? Arrête !_

_Qu’est-ce qu’il te prend de faire des trucs pareil ? Pourquoi tu te fais du mal comme ça ?_

_Qu’est ce qui ne va pas ?_

_Parle-moi, tu sais que tu peux tout me dire_

_Mais nan mais c’est des conneries tout ça tu le sais_

_Regarde-moi dans les yeux. Regarde-moi. On s’en branle, c’est pas important_

_Moi je te trouve magnifique._

_Depuis la première fois que je t’ai vu_

_D’ailleurs, je ne m’en suis toujours pas remis_

_Et puis comment je ferais sans toi moi ?_

_Et puis comment l’univers il ferait sans toi ?_

_Ca ne pourra jamais fonctionner._

_C’est impossible_

_Alors faut pas pleurer ! Faut pas pleurer._

_Parce que ça va aller je te le promets, ça va aller_

_Parce qu’on est de ceux qui guérissent, de ceux qui résistent, de ceux qui croient aux miracles_

_Pas de ceux qui disent que lorsque les tables bougent_

_C'est que quelqu'un les pousse du pied._

_Et un jours tout ça on y pensera même plus_

_On aura tout oublier,_

_Comme si ça avait pas existé._

He frowns. It reminds him of the first time Newt took his hands, when he was sctratching the back of his right hand. Did Newt mean to tell him something through this song? Did he mean to tell him to stop worrying, that everything will be fine someday, and that he will help him get through everything? The tought makes him smile.

The more he listens to the song, the more emotional he gets. Aftet the fourth time listening to it, he starts crying. He has a friend who seems to like him no matter how fucked up he is. It must be the best thing that ever happened to him.

He listens to  the other songs, and he keeps crying, because Newt was right, the lyrics are awfully deep, and he feels like each song he listens to were made for him. 

At 02:30AM, he decides to text Newt. 

**Thomas: It's Thomas. Thank you.**

it might seem like and odd text, but he doesn't care, it resumes everything. a couple of seconds later, his phone beeps.

**Newt: hey! I guess you listened to Fauve...In case you didn't get it, I told you to listen to Blizzard because I meant to tell you to not give up. I don't know what happend to you, but it must've been tough, and I promise you that I'll help you get better. You are my friend now Thomas.**

**Thomas: Thank you. You are my friend too.**

**Newt: good that. :)**

'Yeah, you are my friend.'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys I hope you liked this chapter!  
> So I made this whole thing about Fauve because I LOVE this band, they're amazing! Seriously, those of you who understand French should really check their songs out! No actually, everybody should check them out.  
> And here's the link to the traduction of Blizzard: http://lyricstranslate.com/en/blizzard-blizzard.html


	4. Chapter 4

The next day, Thomas is laying in bed and listening to music when he gets a text. He knows it's from Newt since it's the only person apart from his parents to have his number, and his parents never text him, so he grabs his phone and reads it.

Newt: Hey Thomas! Do you want to get coffee with me?

Thomas bites his upper lip. Sure, seeing Newt would be great, but he feels abnormally tired today. He just wants to lay in bed and maybe sleep until Thursday. 

Thomas: I can't sorry I'm busy.

He quickly gets a response.

Newt: it's fine don't worry! :) another time maybe?

He cringes. Newt is so kind, and he's being an asshole. He doesn't want to lie to him anymore. The blonde is a good person, he doesn't deserve being lied to. 'He doesn't deserve a shitty friend like me.'

Thomas: okay I lied, I'm not busy I don't feel like getting up and I just wanna sleep. I'm sorry. 

Thomas: I'm very sorry.

Anxiety slowly gets to him. He feels it in his stomach. The back of his hand itches, he needs to scratch it. 'I'm a terrible person...' 

And then his phone beeps. Newt responded him. Is he mad at him? Is he texting to tell him he doesn't want to be his friend? He doesn't know, and he never liked not knowing something so he reads the text. 

Newt: It's fine Thomas. :) 

Thomas exhales, relieved.

Newt: can I ask you something?

Thomas: yes.

Newt: Will I get to see you again before next monday?

Thomas thinks about it. Dr.Paige told him he had to try and go out at least three times a week after all. 

Thomas: yes. 

Newt: great. :) so do you want to come over on friday afternoon? 

Thomas: okay. :)

Newt: cool! I'll text you the address on friday.

Thomas puts his phone beside him and smiles. 

 

 

As soon as Newt hears the door bell ring, on Friday afternoon, he runs to the entrance and  opens the door with a grin on his face.

"Hey!" he happily exclaims as he steps aside to let Thomas in. 

He walks him to the living room, sits down on the couch and gestures him to do the same.  The brunette complies and looks around nervously. Newt's eyes land on his hands. He grabs on of them on impulse, and frowns. His friend's hand is freezing. 

"You're so cold...Let me make you a cup of tea."

He gets up and walks to the open kitchen, then he comes back to Thomas three minutes later with a hot cup of tea. He hands it to his friend who smiles and nods, as to thank him. 

"I'm glad you came. To be honest, I was scared you might not come." Newt admits. "Do you want to play chess?" He then proposes. "Yes." Thomas answers.

The sound of Thomas's voice surprises him. He got used to him only nodding. He's happy to see the boy is comfortable enough to talk, even if it's just a small yes. A big grin takes place on his lips and he lightly sqeezes Thomas's hand before getting up and going to his bedroom to take his chess game. He then puts it on the coffee table and turns his stereo on. He can't help but smile when he realises Blizzard is playing, and when he glances at Thomas, he notices he's smiling too. 

"So, What do you like?" Newt asks as he sits at the other end of the coffee table. 

When he looks up, Thomas looks nervous.

"It's okay if you don't want to answer." He assures him with a comforting smile.

 

Thomas knows it's okay, but he wants to answer. Strangely, he wants to have a conversation with his new and only friend. He just doesn't know what to answer. He doesn't know what to answer, and the back of his hand itches. Newt must have sensed it because he grabs is other hand and gently squeezes it. 'C'mon Thomas... You gotta answer.' He tells himself. And then Dr.Paige pops in his head.

"I like my psychiatrist." He blurts out. "Oh yeah?" Newt says, as to encourage him to talk more. "Yeah... I don't like her in a romantic way of course, but.. She's very kind. She helps me you know. " He admits. Newt smiles at him, one of his big grins that Thomas appreciates very much. It gives him the strength to keep talking. "She's actually the only person i really talk to. Apart from you obviously."He confesses. "Well It's a honor to be part of your "People I talk to" list." Newt declares. "And you, what do you like?" Thomas asks him. "Oh I like a lot of things to be honest. But right now, the first thing, or rather person i can think of, is you." Newt admits with a smile.

Thomas blushes, and can't help but smile. His friend likes him. His **friend** likes **him**. He loves this concept. 

"I like you too."

Thomas almost whispers his sentence, but Newt still hears it, and it makes his heart beat a little bit faster. 

 

 

When Minho gets back home, it's very late in the night, so he's surprised when he sees his best friend sitting on the couch. 

"Hey, why are you still up?" He asks as he sits beside him. "I needed to talk to you." Newt admits as he turns his head toward him. Minho frowns. "Is anything wrong?" He asks, worried. Newt shrugs and looks down. "Oh, something's definetely wrong." Minho says as he wraps his arm around Newt's shoulder. "C'mon, tell me what's bothering you." Newt sighs. "Min, I have a crush on Thomas. I realised it this afternoon. He talked to me, and it made me so happy, I thought I would never be able to stop smiling!" "Okay, and what's the problem?" "He's so fragile...Right now, he looks like he needs a friend, not a boyfriend. I don't want to confuse him, you know?" "Right. Then I guess you'll have to wait for him to get better. You can do that, right?" Yeah. You're right." "Don't worry man, I'm sure once Thomas's happy again, he'll realise how amazing you are and probably want to date you." Newt smiles and wraps his arms around Minho. "Thanks Min."


	5. Chapter 5

"You look happier than usual. What happened?"

Thomas smiles. Dr.Paige is right. He's happier, thanks to Newt.

"Last Tuesday, I had dinner with Newt, and I came over to his home on Friday afternoon. We're friends now." Dr.Paige smiles." I'm happy that you found a friend. So how has this past week been?" "Fine, really. I didn't cut myself even once, and the urge to scratch the back of my hand is less present. I think...I think having Newt by my side really helps me." He admits. "That's great. Did you think about going back to school?" Thomas's smile fades. "My parents told me I had to go back tomorrow." "Did they tell you why?" "Because we pay for that school Thomas and it's expensive, so you better go back." He quotes, and sighs.

His parents don't care about him, but they care about others's opinion, that why they make him go to one of the most expensive school of their city, they think it makes them look like good parents.

"And are you gonna go back?"Dr.Paige asks him. "To be honest, I don't know."

The first thing he does when his appointment is over it texting Newt.

Thomas: Can you help me with something?

Newt: sure! What is it?

Thomas: I have to go back to high school tomorrow, but I don't know if I can handle it.

Newt: I'm sure you will, and if you ever feel bad, text me okay? 

Thomas: okay. 

Newt: Don't worry. :) 

Thomas smiles as he puts his phone back in his pocket. Newt is right. He doesn't have to worry.

 

 

Newt was completely wrong. He had to worry. He's been in high school for four hours and he feels like jumping off the rooftop.

"Guys, look who's back! The little Freak!"

He cringes, and tries to ignore Gally's snarky comment as he walks down the hallway.

"Hey Thomas! Where have you been? Asylum?" Gally says as he and his friends get closer to him.

Thomas looks down and does his best to prevent his tears from falling. He wishes he could talk back, but he just can't, every time he tries, the words get caught in his throat. 

"It obviously didn't do you any good. Look at you, all skinny, shy and shaking. Who could tell that you are, in fact, a murderer?" 

Gally's last word feels like bullet hitting through Thomas's heart.  He bursts in tears, and runs out of the high school. He runs until he reaches his house, enters, closes the door and lets himself falls to the floor. He can't stop crying. Memories are flashing in his head and he hates it. He hates them. 

_"Hey do you wanna see my grandpa's guns?" He hears Winston asking him excitedly."Yeah!" He hears his eight years old self exclaiming._

Now all he wishes is to go back in time and say no. 

_"Can I take it?" "Yeah! You'll be the police and I the criminal!"_

_He sees himself grabbing a gun and pointing it to Winston._

_"Don't move or I'll kill you!"_

_Aris laughs, and then he pulls the trigger._

_Little did they know, that the gun was loaded._

_The bullet hits Winston's chest and he falls to thé ground.Thomas runs to him and kneels down._

_"Winston? Winston?!"_

_His voice is filled with panic and fear. He's got his friend's blood on his hands, and it makes him want to vomit._

_Winston looks at him with wide eyes. Terror. That's what Thomas can see in them._

_Winston's grandfather barks in, and gasps when he sees them. He calls the emergencies, but they're too slow. When they arrive, Winston is dead, and a part of Thomas is gone with him._

Everything changed after this day. Thomas thinks it's ironic, how Winston was supposed to be the criminal, but in the end, it was him. He killed his best friend when he was eight years old, and he's never getting over it. After all, how could someone ever get over such a big thing?

The night after Winston died, Thomas's parents looked at him with dissapointment and disgust for the first time. That night, they stopped loving him, and Thomas started hating himself.

Thomas can't stand all the pain, he needs to take it out. He gets up and walks into his bedroom, then he starts furiously throwing things around. His heart is beating so fast he thinks it's gonna rip itself out of his chest. When he's done, he takes a quick look at his room; it's a mess, but it's not enough for him. He wants to break more things. It's a sort of metaphore, he wants to break to show how broken he feels inside.

So he goes in the kitchen, and shatters all the glasses and the plates. Then he looks around. 'There. That's how broken I am.' He thinks as he lets himself slip down on the floor. Now that his episode of anger is over, he's both physically and mentally exhausted. 'I'm insane.' 

He brings his knees to his chest, rests his head on them and starts sobbing. 

Then he hears someone opening the front door and steps coming his way. He panics and gets up to be faced with his angry father.

"What the HELL did you do Thomas?!" His father yells at him. "Dad I'm sorry I'll clean ever-" "I am tired of you Thomas! me and your mother both are! Why can't you juste be normal?!" 

If you ask anyone who knows Dan Montgomery what he's like, they will tell you he's a kind man, a hardworker and very peaceful. But Thomas knows better. His father acts like the perfect man but when he gets home, he either ignores his son, or yell at him. Today it's the last choice.

"I'm trying to be normal!" Thomas cries and it seems to make his father angrier. "Than try harder!" He hisses. "But I can't!" Thomas desperately retorts and wipes his tears away with shaking hands.

Dan raises his eyebrows and crosses his arms. 

"Oh really? Than leave. You're eighteen now, we don't have to take care of you anymore." 

Thomas's heart skips a beat.

"What? But where am I supposed to go?" Thomas mumbles. "I don't know, and I don't care. Take your shit, get out of this house, and don't come back. And don't bother going back to school, I'm signing you off it. I refuse to kee paying for a little shit like you."Dan coldly tells him. 

He doesn't even bother going back to his bedroom; he storms out of the kitchen, grabs his backpack in the entrance, and leaves.

There's too much pain, he wants to forget about it, so he decides to go The glade. He wants, no, he needs to get drunk.

When he arrives in the pub, he sits at the bar, and when Minho gives him a beer, he shakes his head and points at a bottle of whiskey. The asinan boy frowns, but still grabs the bottle and pours some of the alcohol in a glass before handing it to the brunette who immeditalty downs it and pushes the glass toward Minho.

"Hey man are you okay?" 

He's not okay. Not at all. His own father just kicked him out of the only home he had, how could he be okay? But he prefers to lie, so he nods and gestures Minho to fill his glass.

 

Minho gives hims a sad look as he pours Whiskey in Thomas's glass. He knows he's lying, but he doesn't want to push him. So everytime Thomas ends his glass, he refills it, until it's dark outside and the brunette is wasted. 

He's now half alseep on the bar, with an empty glass in his right hand. Minho leans toward him and gently shakes his shoulder.

"Do you need a ride home?"

Thomas laughs bitterely and rubs his hand on his eyes. 

"I don't have a home anymore." He mumbles tiredly. Minho frowns. "But where are you going to sleep tonight?" 

Thomas shrugs. 

"My shift is over in ten minutes, I'll bring you home with me okay? You can sleep on the couch." Minho says, before realising Thomas fell asleep.

 

 

Newt is eating his dinner in the kitchen when he hears his best friend coming in their home. He lifts his head and frowns when he sees Minho holding a sleeping Thomas. He gets up and walks to them.

"What happened?" He asked, worried as Minho lays Thomas on the couch. "He was drunk and he told me he had no home, so..." Minho explains.

Newt nods in understandment, sits beside Thomas's body and gently strokes his hair.

"Poor Tommy..." He sighs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I hoped you like the chapter, please leave comments!   
> And I'd like to tell you that this story of Thomas killing Winston by accident is not mine, it's actually a true story my mother told me about a couple of years ago, and I always wondered how the guy who shot his friend must have felt, then I decided to write about it.


	6. Chapter 6

When Thomas wakes up, he opens his eyes and looks around. He wonders what he is doing in Newt and Minho's apartment for a short moment before remembering yesterday's events. He sighs as he stands up and rests his arms on his knees. His father kicked him out, and now he's basically homeless. 'And here I thought my life couldn't get more fucked up' 

He hears noise behind him se he turns is head. Newt is standing in the kitchen with a cup of tea in his hands. The blonde catches him looking at him and smiles.

"Hi." Newt greets him.

Then he puts his cup on the bar and join him on the couch. 

"How do you feel?" He asks him, voice filled with worry. "Honestly? Terrible." Thomas confesses. 

Newt bites his upper lip and rests his hand on his friend's shoulder in an attempt to comfort him.

"Minho told me you told him you had no home..What does it mean?" Thomas nervously looks down. "Well...it means that my parents hate me so much that yesterday they threw me out and told me to not come back." He explains, voice filled with sadness. 

Newt doesn't think twice before pulling Thomas into a warm hug. 

"You can stay here you know." He tells the brunette when they break apart. 

Thomas looks at him with wide eyes. He thinks Newt is so kind he might cry.

"Thank you Newt." He whispers, voice filled with emotions. Newt smiles before replying "you're welcome." Then he frowns. "Hey are you okay? I mean, Minho told me that last night you were so drunk you passed out on the bar, so...no headache?" 

Thomas blushes and looks down, embarrassed, which makes Newt frowns even more.

"Hey you know you can tell me everything, okay?" He tells his friend. 

Thomas sighs. 

"I started drinking when I was fifteen years old, I got used to it. I get wasted and when I wake up, it's like nothing happened you know. I don't really have a drinking problem, I can go weeks without drinking, but sometimes I just...I need to forget about everything." He explains, and Newt can tell he's uncomfortable so he decides to drop the subject. "And how was school yesterday?" Thomas winces. "Uh...Not good." "Do you want to talk about it?" "No, sorry." "Okay, no problem. Just know that if you need to talk I'm here." He tells him with a comforting smile. "Thank you." "What do you want for breakfast?" "Nothing, thanks but I'm not hungry." "Okay, well, I gotta go work, I'll be back around 07:00PM, and Minho had a class, then he's working until 02:00PM." "Okay."

They smile at each other and Newt gently squeezes his shoulder before getting up and leaving the room. Thomas then lays back down and closes his eyes.

When Newt comes back, his friend is sleeping. He strokes his hair and kisses his forehead before leaving. 

 

 

When Thomas wakes up again, it's to the sound of the TV. He stands up and sees Minho sitting at the dining table and eating what looks like pasta.

"Sorry bud, did the TV wake you up?" Minho asks. "Yes but it's okay, don't worry." Thomas answers and cracks a smile, and Minho's lips widen into a grin. "Hey, you talk more!" He notices. "I've known you for a year, you are Newt's best friend and I'm going to be living with you, I guess it's enough for whatever fucked up part of my brain to allow me to talk to you." Thomas tells him. "I guess. Cool! Anyway I made pasta, want some?" "No thanks. Can I take shower?" "Sure, but you don't need to ask you know! Do you have a towel?" "No. Now that I think of it I don't even have clothes..." "Just take something in my wardrobe!" "And where is the bathroom?..." "Oh yeah!" 

Minho gets up and takes him to the bathroom, after showing him where his bedroom is. 

 

 

When Newt gets back from work, his bestfriend is in the living room, playing Xbox, and Thomas is sitting beside him, wrapped in a blanket and looking at the screen. He smiles at how adorable the scene looks, and takes a seat beside Thomas.

"How was work?" Minho asks him. "Good." He replies. 

He feels Thomas shifting toward him, so he doesn't hesitate and puts his arm around his shoulders. 

"You're cold?" He asks his friend who nods in response. 

He rubs his arms and kisses his cheek before getting up and going to the kitchen. Then he comes back a couple of minutes later and hands Thomas a cup of tea. The brunette smiles as he takes it.

"Thank you." 

And Newt smiles too, because he knows Thomas is not only thanking him for the tea.

 

 

 

Newt is worried. Thomas has been living with them for three days now, and he did not see him eating once. He did not see him doing a lot of things actually. When he goes to work, he's sleeping, and when he comes back, he's either writing in a notebook, or sleeping in his bedroom. He told the brunette he could settle here, but Thomas only accepted to stay here when he was out because he didn't want to bother him. Newt told him he wouldn't bother him but Thomas still refused. So when he comes home, he often finds him sleeping in his bed under at least three blankets. Thomas always wakes up before he goes to bed though. 

So when he comes back from work on friday evening, he decides to share his worry with his best friend.

"Do you know if Thomas ate since he arrived?" He asks as he makes dinner. "I don't think he did." Minho says. "He's very skinny." He then points out, and Newt saddly nods. "Do you think he's anorexic?" The asian boy hesitantly asks. Newt shrugs. "I don't know to be honest."

He doesn’t know, and he wants to ask Thomas about it, but he’s scared it might be too much for him. 

“Dinner’s ready. I’ll wake Thomas up. He must be starving.” He announces.

When he enters in his bedroom, Thomas is not sleeping, he’s sitting at Newt’s desk and writing in his notebook. He’s got two blankets wraped around his skinny body. Newt clears his throat so the brunette notices him. He turns his head and smiles. 

“Hey.” Newt says as he leans on the door frame, a smile on his lips. “Hey. I was cold so I borrowed a sweater in your wardrobe, I hope it’s okay.” “Of course Tommy! I made pasta, you wanna eat?” Newt asks, and he hopes Thomas says yes. “I don’t know, I’m not hungry.” The brunette answers, and Newt sighs before walking to him. He kneels down in order to look him in the eyes. “When was the last time you ate, Tommy?” 

Thomas frowns. Newt looks worried, and he hates it because he knows it’s his fault. he tries to recall the last time he ate, and absently starts scratching the back of his right hand. Newt instantly grabs his left wrist and lighlty strokes it with his thumb in an attempt to calm him down. And it works. 

“I think it was four days ago.” Newt frowns. “But why didn’t you eat?” “I guess I just forgot. And when you or minho asked me I wanted to eat I was never hungry. “But how can you forget to eat?” Newt asks, shocked. Thomas shifts uncomfortably. “I just...I’m not hungry.” Newt purses his lips. “Do you often forget to eat?” The blonde talks with a soft voice, he doesn’t want Thomas to think he’s judging him. “Sometimes.” Thomas admits. “But I had this kind of routine lately...I eat every two days. I forgot to keep it going when… when I moved here.” He then explains. “Could you take it back? I’m worried about you Tommy.”Newt confesses. “Okay.”

Newt smiles happily and kisses the back of his hand, the one who’s not damaged, before standing up and walking out.

And Thomas smiles. Newt is so loving, and he never realised how much he missed having someone to take care of him before he met him. 

  
  


 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys liked this chapter, tell me what you think of it in the comments! xx


	7. Chapter 7

On Monday, Thomas decides to cancel his appointment with his psychiatrist. He knows it’s stupid because he had a very rough week, and it would certainly make him feel better to talk about it with Dr.Paige, but he feels too tired to get out. He sleeps all morning. When he wakes up, he considers taking a shower,sighs. He knows Newt will come back early in the afternoon, so he decides to not go back to sleep and instead sits at the dining table with his notebook and a pen. A couple of months ago, Dr.Paige advised him to start a diary, saying it would help him, so he did, but he found it very boring; instead, he started writing stories. One day he let Dr.Paige read them and she said he was “extremely talented”, but he thinks she only said that to make him feel better about himself. 

He’s so caught up in his work, he doesn’t notice Newt is home, until he looks up and the blonde is standing in front of him.

 

“Hey Tommy, you’re up!” Newt exclaims happily. Thomas smiles. “Did you eat?” “No I already ate yesterday remember?” Newt sighs and puts a hand on Thomas’s shoulder. “Are you sure you don’t want to eat?”

 

Thomas wants to say no. Today, just thinking of food disgusts him, but Newt is looking at him with a worried face, so he says yes. The blonde smiles happily and goes make them sandwiches. He comes back with two plates, and Thomas’s has got two more sandwiches than Newt’s. After eating one sandwich, he feels full, but Newt is watching him, so he eats the rest of them. And he regrets it. Once his plate is empty, he starts feeling bad. He brings a hand to his forehead and blinks. 

 

“Are you okay?” Newt asks with a frown. 

 

Thomas doesn’t have the time to answer. He practically jumps off the chair and runs to the bathroom. 

Newt follows him and finds him vomiting in the toilets. 

 

“I’m sorry…” He sighs as he kneels down behind Thomas. The brunette whips his mouth with the sleeve of his sweater. “No it’s not your fault.” “Yes Tommy it is my fault.” Thomas turns around and takes his friend’s hand. “It’s okay.” He assures him, and Newt smiles saddly.

 

He wants to protest, because he doesn’t think it’s okay, but he only strokes Thomas’s cheek. The brunette then buries his face in neck, and Newt rubs his back gently. Thomas is so fragile, he doesn’t know what to do, and it frustrates him.

  
  


On Thursday evening, Newt is visiting his cousin, and Minho is working, so Thomas is left alone. He tries to sleep, but gives up after two hours of tossing and turning. He sighs, annoyed, and gets up. He knows there’s a full bottle of vodka in the kitchen, and decided that if he can’t sleep, he’ll get drunk. He pours himself a drink and sits on the couch after turning the TV on. 

Lately he’d been getting better, and becoming friend with Newt has been a huge step ahead, but getting kicked out of the only home he had ruined everything.Now everytime he drifts off to sleep, he hopes he will never wake up. The only reason he didn’t kill himself yet is because he knows he matters to Newt and he doesn’t want to hurt him. He’ll stay alive as long as the blonde cares for him, and when he gets tired of him, he’ll leave. He’s already got a plan. He’ll jump off a bridge. He could swallow a bottle of pills, but he already tried when he was fourteen years old and it didn’t work. 

As he recalls the memory, he frowns. Ans that’s when it hits him. He didn’t take his pills with him when he left his house. He wonders if he should go get them, but figures he doesn’t have to since he hasn’t had any hallucinations anyway. He sighs as he grabs the bottle of Vodka and drinks straight from it. ‘Fuck my life.’

  
  


When Minho comes back home, he finds a drunk Thomas spread out on the couch with a half empty bottle in his hand. 

 

“Man…” He sighs as he sits next to him. “I’m sorry.” Thomas blurts out. Minho turns his head to look at him. “It’s fine, but, I mean, you shouldn’t get drunk like that.” “I just… I don’t feel very well you know?” Minho smiles sadly. “Yeah.” Thomas starts scratching the back of his hand, and Minho tiredly rubs his eyes. “Listen, you gotta stop doing this man, okay? You’ll end up badly hurting yourself. I wanna help you you know, I just don’t really know what to do… Newt does. He likes you you know.” The asian boy says in a kind voice. Thomas closes his eyes. “Why?... I’m worthless. And annoying. I know I am, I’ve been living here for a week, I don’t pay for nothing, I don’t do anything, I just sleep. Why do you guys even let me stay?” Thomas opens his eyes and a tear fall. He greets his teeth and abruptly gets up. He almost falls in the process. “Wow, easy!” Minho exclaims as he catches him. “I’m sorry I’m such a failure…” Thomas sobs. “You’re not a failure Thomas…” Minho comforts him. 

 

The asian boy bites the inside of his cheek awkwardly and thinks about what to do. Thomas surely needs to rest, but Minho doesn’t want to leave him alone tonight, He promised Newt he would take care of him after all.

 

“C’mon, you’re sleeping with me tonight.” He announces.

 

Minho then awkwardly puts an arm around Thomas and drags him into his bedroom. He steadies him on his chair and walks to his drawer. 

 

“You’re too kind, just like Newt, he’s an angel and I don’t deserve to be his friend..” Thomas mumbles. Minho can’t help but crack a small smile as he looks for his pajamas. “You think Newt is an angel?” “Yes. he’s so kind and loving… the best friend I could ever have… I miss him…” 

Thomas starts crying, so Minho immediatly walks to him and tries to comfort him. 

“C’mon, he’ll be back tomorrow! Why does he usually do that you like and that I could do to make you feel a bit better?” Thomas sniffs. “He…he  hugs me when i feel too bad…” Minho smiles. “You want me to do that?” “But I don’t want to bother you Minho, you’ve already done so much!” “You’re not bothering me!” The asian boy exclaims as he wraps his arm around Thomas.

 

He  hugs him quickly before lifting him up and taking him to his bed. He notices the brunette is very cold so he grabs a plaid and puts it on top of his blanket, before turning the light off and joining him. He can hear Thomas’s muffled sobs, and sighs, feeling useless. He wishes he could be like Newt, always willing to face other people’s pain and help them get trough it. He doesn’t dare looking at the brunette, too scared of what he might see, and gently grabs his hand in an attempt to comfort him, before drifting off to sleep.

  
  


The next morning, Minho gets waken up by a panicked Newt barging in his room. 

“Minho, Tommy’s missing!” He exclaims, alarmed. The asian boy rubs his eyes before replying “Don’t worry, he’s with me.” 

 

Newt frowns and only then, he notices the mop of brunette hair picking out off Minho’s covers. He clenches his jaw and throws an icy glare at the latter boy.

 

“Can I have a word?” He asks, or rather hisses. 

 

Minho’s frowns, taken aback, before nodding. They both get out of his bedroom, and as soon as he closes the door, Newt starts talking.

 

“What the bloody hell?!” He angrily growls. “Damn, I fucking told you how I felt about him, doesn’t it matter to you?! I am supposed to be your best mate for fuck’s sake!” “What are you talking about?” Minho demands, surprised. “I am talking about the fact that you fucked Thomas, knowing I loved him you bastard!” Newt exclaims, his voice cracking a little. Minho raises his eyebrows, surprised. “Hey dude I never fucked him I swear! Last night he was drunk and very sad, he started crying because he missed you and i just didn’t know what to do because you’re the one always handling this sort of stuff so I told him to come sleep with me and Newt I swear we did nothing other than sleeping!” Minho explains hurriedly. Newt’s face softens and he cracks a smile. “Sorry mate, and thanks for what you did for him.” Minho nods,before smirking. “So you done with the small crush now, you love him huh?” Newt blushes. “Shut up you idiot.” he scolds him. 

 

Minho makes an unimpressed face and they laugh before heading to the kitchen to have breakfast.

  
  


_ Thomas is in a dark, small and empty room. He’s sitting in the middle of it, hugging his knees. ‘What am I doing here?’ He asks himself. Suddenly, he sees a shadow moving in front of his eyes. He blinks a couple of times, and frowns. A person slowly walks toward him, and he gasps when he realises it’s Winston. The small boy sits in front of him, and Thomas notices blood on his shirt. Just where the bullet hit him ten years ago.  _

_ Winston’s eyes are so sad it hurts him. _

 

_ “Hello Thomas.” He says in a friendly voice. “I know you made a new friend. Newt, right.” He then adds. Thomas nods, and Winston bites his lip. “You can’t have friends Tom, you know it. Look at me, we were best friends, and then you killed me. Because you are dangerous. If you really like that Newt guy, you have to let go of him before something bad happens.” His words are gentle, but it breaks Thomas’s heart. “But I can’t…” He mumbles. “You can, and you have to, for Newt’s sake. because if you don’t …” _

 

_ Winston turns around, so Thomas looks up and his heart skips a beat when, in front of them, he sees himself standing in front of Newt. He gasps when he realises his other self is holding a gun, and tries to get up when he points it toward the blonde, but he can’t.  _

 

_ “No!” Thomas screams, as his other self pulls the trigger.  _

 

_ He closes his eyes, and buries his head in his knees.  _

 

_ “No…” He sobs. “See, this is what’s gonna happen if you don’t let go of Newt.” _

  
  


Newt is reading a book next to Thomas when he hears the brunette starting to sob. He frowns, and puts his book aside before leaning over his friend.

 

“No…”

 

He decides to wake Thomas up, so he genlty shakes his shoulder and strokes his cheek as he opens his eyes. Thomas hurriedly brings Newt to his chest and squeezes him tightly. His breathing is heavy, and big sobs escape of his mouth.

 

“Oh my god Newt I thought you were dead and I, I’m so sorry!” Thomas sobs. “Hey hey Tommy it’s okay, i’m fine and very much alive! breathe, love.” Newt comforts him. 

 

And Thomas can’t help but think about his dream - or rather nightmare. He can’t help but think about what Winston told him. What if he was right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hoped you guys liked the chapter, please leave comments I always love reading them!


	8. Chapter 8

Thomas’s been acting differently around Newt, and it really pains the blonde. He doesn’t get why, and everytime he tries to find a reason, he fails. Ever since Thomas arrived, he did everything he could to make him feel as comfortable as possible, and he really thought his friend had come to trust him, but now he’s not so sure anymore. He noticed changes in the way the brunette reacts to everything he does. They might look minimal to others, but to Newt, they’re enormous. Thomas doesn’t open up to him as much as he used to. and he didn’t even open up that much before. Now everytime Newt asks him how he feels, he smiles and says “I’m fine”, but he knows it’s fake. You could think Thomas is indeed, fine, he stopped sleeping all day, smiles more, and goes for three hours walks, but Newt can see through all of it. And he doesn’t get why Thomas suddenly feels the need to put on an act around him. 

“Hi.”

Minho’s voice puts an end to his thoughts, and makes him look up.

“Hey.” He smiles and sips on his cup of tea as his best friend takes a milk bottle out of the fridge. “Where’s Thomas?” “Still sleeping.” Newt informs him and glances at Thomas’s sleeping form on the couch. “Oh, I hadn’t seen him.” Minho tells him with a frown. He sits at the dining table, in front of Newt, with a bowl of cereals in one hand and a spoon in the other. “Uh, Newt?” He calls out, hesitantly. “Yes?” The blonde frowns at Minho’s upset look and leans toward him. “Well, uh, yesterday I entered in the bathroom and Thomas was changing, and, well, he had big cut across his hip. He quickly covered it and then i left, but...yeah. I figured it’d be a good thing to tell you about it.” Newt’s heart sinks and he struggles to prevent his voice from shaking as he retorts “what kind of cut, Minho?” The asian boy bites his lower lip and looks down. “I’m not a pro at this sort of stuff, but it was sort of… neat. Like if someone had done it on purpose, with something sharp, like… like a razor blade. Someone that could be Thomas himself.” Minho concludes. Newt winces. “I don’t know if you noticed, but it seems like the razor blades have been dissapearing a lot since Thomas arrived.” he then points out. Newt gulps, and takes a deep breath. “Thanks for telling me, Min.” Minho gives him a sad smile. “I’m really sorry man. “ 

Newt smiles weakly at his best friend and sighs before getting up and putting his empty cup in the sink. He then walks to the couch, and kneels down next to it. He gently strokes Thomas’s cheek, and sighs again. Knowing that the brunette doesn’t trust him enough to tell him about all of his internal struggles breaks his heart. He wishes he could be more present for him, wishes Thomas would let him help him, because really it’s the only thing Newt wants to do right now. And he asks himself, ‘what the bloody hell am I supposed to do?’, as he watches his friend. He looks at him so insistently it’s like if he was trying to memorize every single detail of his face. He finds him beautiful. Yes, Thomas is too skinny, his cheekbones are too visible, just like his collarbones, his skin is dull and his under eyes are like bruises, but he doesn’t care.   
He plants a soft kiss on Thomas’s forehead before getting up.  
And as leaves his appartment, he promises himself tonight he will talk with Thomas. 

 

When Newt gets home, he finds Thomas sitting on the couch, watching “Ferris Bueller’s day off”, and the sight makes him smile. It reminds him of when they watched it together, a week ago, and he got to cuddle with him throughout the whole movie.   
He slips his bag off his shoulder and let it reach the ground, then he goes to sit beside his friend who turns his head to smile at him. Newt puts his hand on his cheek and kisses his temple as a greeting. He can’t help but smile when he feels the brunette relaxing. But it fades when he remembers his conversation with Minho.

“There’s something I’d like to talk about.” Newt announces as he straightens himself. Thomas frowns, and pales. “What is it?” Newt breathes deeply, and grabs his hand as he looks him straight in the eyes. “Did you ever harm yourself? On purpose?” Thomas pales even more, and Newt can feel his fingers twisting nervously. “W-what?” Thomas croaks. “Tommy, I’m not judging you, okay? I’m not. I just want to help you.” Newt says in a sweet voice. 

But Thomas still feels the anxiety making its way through him. He’d been very careful to never leave prooves of his cutting habits, because he knew it would pain his friend. And then Minho walked in on him changing, and he’d hope he hadn’t seen his freshly made cut, but obviously, he did. and he told it to Newt, who’s now asking him about it, and his voice might be sweet and understanding, Thomas is sure he must be angry at him deep inside, for being such a fuck up. 

“Newt I’m sorry, I just felt a little bit down, but now i’m okay, I swear. please don’t be angry. Or sad.” Thomas assures the blonde, and forces a smile. Newt eyes him septically. “I’m not angry, but I cannot tell you I’m not sad. It would be a lie, because it does make me sad to know that you are not okay. You matter an awful lot to me, you know?” Newt confesses, and Thomas’s heart melts a little. “But I’m okay Newt.” He lies. “No Tommy you are not okay, I know it.” Newt sighs, frustrated. “Maybe. But I will be, eventually, I promise. don’t worry.”

He then smiles, and wraps an arm around Newt waist. And for a moment, he really feels okay, because the blonde is smiling back at him and gently stroking the back of his hand. Then Newt’s smile fades a little, he bites his lower lip, and Thomas knows their conversation is, sadly, not over.

“Was it the first time? That you cut yourself?” Newt hesistantly asks. Thomas winces. “Yes.” He wishes it could be easy to lie to Newt, but it’s not. everytime he does it, it just feels wrong. “If you ever want to do it again just come to me, okay?” Thomas nods, even though he knows he won’t do it. “Come here, love.” 

Newt blurts out the nickname without really thinking of it, and then when he realises what he said, he instanlty blushes and wishes he could take it back. He already used the nickname once, but the brunette was having a bit of breakdown so he had not gave it a second thought, pretty sure his friend had not even paid much attention.  
But this time, Thomas does pay it attention. He doesn’t mind though. It surprises him a little, but it feels nice to hear it coming from the blonde’s mouth. It makes him feel special, and for once, he wants to appreciate the moment. So he smiles, and crawls into Newt’s arms.

 

Thomas is talking with Newt in his bedroom, sitting cross-legged on his bed, when it happens. He looks up at his friend, and freezes. Just beside Newt, is standing Winston. He’s glaring at him,and it makes Thomas starts to tremble.

“Tommy, you okay?” Newt asks him, worried. “uh, I, yeah, I’m fine.” He says, but his entire being screams ‘NO’. “Look what you did to me, Thomas.” Winston commands, and lifts his shirt to show a nasty wound on his chest. 

Thomas winces and squeezes his eyes shut. ‘Please, go away, go away…’ He mentally begs.

“Open your eyes!” Winston hisses, and Thomas shakes his head as he clutches his hands to his temples. “Hey Tommy what’s going on?” Newt asks, voice filled with worry and panic. “Thomas open your freaking eyes right now!” Winston exclaims. “No! you’re not real!” Thomas retorts. “And whose fault is that? uh? It is your fault, Thomas, you killed me!” He spits, at the same time as Newt speaks “What are you talking about?” But Thomas’s focused on the child. “I didn’t mean to!” He desperatly cries. “I don’t care! You killed me!” Thomas clenches his fists, and he can feel tears flowing down his still closed eyes. “Go away!Go away!Go away!” He shouts, over and over.

Newt looks at his friend, horrified. Thomas is now hitting his own head with his fists, and kicking the bed. He’s shouting, and crying. The blonde is shocked, and a bit scared, but he stills puts his hands on Thomas’s chest and sits on his lap to try and calm him down.

“Go away!” “Tommy, it’s me!” Newt exclaims desperatly as he struggles to keep his friend steady. “No!” Thomas cries. his voice is filled with desperation, and it breaks Newt’s heart. “Go away!” he repeats.

Tears rolls down Newt’s cheeks as he strokes Thomas’s with shaking hands. He knew something like that was bound to happen eventually, he’d just hoped it would not haen yet, because if he’s being honest with himself, he has no idea of what to do. He wants to tell Thomas to “just stop”, but he knows it wouldn’t help, it woudl certainly even make things worse. He wishes he could kiss the brunette’s pain away, but he doubts it would do anything good, after all, why would it?

“No!” Thomas shouts. “I’d never hurt him, he’s my friend” “Tommy please calm down…” He begs. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, please go… go away…” Thomas sobs. 

He progressively stops moving, until he falls asleep, and Newt sighs, relieved. He wipes Thomas’s tears off his cheeks, and kisses his forehead before collapsing beside him, exhausted.

 

When Thomas wakes up in Newt’s arm, the next morning, he blinks a few times, and lets yesterday’s events come back to his mind. He saw Winston. He wanted him to face him, to face what he’s done. He must not see how Thomas already faces it all. Everyday he wakes with this big burden on his shoulder. The burden it is to know you killed your childhood best friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys liked this chapter, please comment! xx


	9. Chapter 9

On the next Monday, Thomas finally goes to his appointment with Dr.Paige.

“It’s been a while, Thomas.” Dr.Paige says as he sits down. He bites his lower lip and cracks a small apologizing smile. “Yeah, I just didn’t feel like moving a lot.” He pauses. “Things haven’t been going great lately.” Dr.Paige nods. “I see. And...what happened?” “For starters… my parents kicked me out of the house. On tuesday, when i got back to school, a guy picked on me, and I just snapped, I went back home and I broke everything in the kitchen, my father found me and he told me he was sick of me. He told me to leave, so I did. I went in town, I got drunk, and Minho, he works where I got drunk, and he’s Newt’s friend, he brought me to their appartment. Then they told me I couls stay there. “ Dr.Paige writes something down, before lifting her head up and smiling at him. “And how is it, living with them?” “Well, they are very kind. Newt especially. I mean, Minho’s super nice, but Newt, he always takes care of me, he makes sure I eat every two days, he keeps me warm, puts up with me no matter how fucked up I am...He”s amazing.” Thomas smiles, but it quickly fades. He bits his lower lip anxiously and starts slowly scratching the back of his hand. “I saw him again.” He confesses, voice low and scared. “Saw who?” He’s sure she knows who he is talking about, but still answers. “Winston. I was talking with Newt, and he just popped out of nowhere.” “And did he do or say anything?” 

Thomas’s heart beats faster as he recalls the pain memory. He tells her everything, and she nods and writes. 

“You stopped taking your medications.” She states. Thomas nods, feeling ashamed. “I forgot to take them with me when my father kicked me out, and when I realised I just...I thought it was no big deal.” He explains. She sighs. “Thomas, you can’t stop taking your medications like that, it’s dangerous. I’ll give you a new prescription.” “Thank you.” “Did you cut yourself again?” Thomas shifts uncomfortably. “Yes.” He admits, and feels tears coming up. “I was getting better, but now I just-I feel terrible, you know? I’m a mess.” He croaks, and Dr.Paige smiles sadly at him. “You can still get better, but you need to believe in yourself, Thomas.”

The brunette nods, but wonders how he could ever do that.

 

When Thomas gets back home, Newt is sitting on the couch and reading a book. He perks up as soon as he hears the brunet.

“Hey Tommy! Come here!” 

Thomas slides his bag off his shoulder before joining his friend. Newt puts his book down on the coffee table, and turns toward Thomas, a smile on his lips. 

“I’ve got something for you!” The blonde happily exclaims, and Thomas frowns. “Why?” Newt chuckles. “Because.” He answers with a smirk. “Just stay here while i go get it!” He tells him as he gets up. 

Thomas watches as Newt walks to his bedroom, and his frown deepens. Newt comes back with a kraft paper bag and smiles widely as he hands it to him. 

“I figured you might want your own sweater. It is extremely warm and soft so I hope it will keep you,well, warm.” Newt says happily.

And Thomas thinks he might cry. He carefully takes the sweater out of the bag and smiles. A big genuine smile.

“Newt this is...wow, thank you…” He whispers as tears form in his eyes. “You’re welcome, Tommy.” 

Thomas puts on the sweater and smiles. It is indeed very warm and soft, and the fact that Newt bought it just for him makes it even better. The brunette looks at his friend before wraping his arms around his neck and burying his head in his chest. Newt immediatly wraps his arms around his waist as a grin takes place on his face. 

 

Two weeks go by, and Thomas is surprised when he realises it was actually pretty okay. He doesn’t know if it has to do with the medications, or Newt. Maybe both. 

“Hey, man! ready for your first job?” Minho happily asks as he enters the kitchen. “Yeah.”

Thomas decided a bunch of days ago that he had to have a job. It would help him interact with the world (at least that’s what Dr.Paige says so) and that way he would be able to help Minho and Newt with the bills. so when Minho talked about his cousin needing a babysitter for her seven years old daughter, Thomas immediatly proposed himself. Minho assured him Teresa was very sweet, and so was Chris. When Minho called his cousin to tell her about Thomas, she immediatly accepted, even after he told her about his issues. 

“Don’t worry, Teresa is really adorable, and if you don’t want to talk to her at first that’s okay. Just a little ‘Hello’ and ‘Bye’ will be more than enough. And for Chris, she’s an amazing child.” Minho tells him as he pours himself a coffee. Thomas nervously nods. 

 

Minho eats his breakfast and takes a quick shower before driving Thomas to Teresa’s house. 

 

“You’re not coming?” Thomas anxiously asks the asian boy as he gets out of the car. Minho shakes his head. “No sorry, I really have to go or I’ll be late for my class. Newt will pick you up at 06:00PM. Say hi to Teresa and Chris for me! Bye!”

And then he’s gone. Thomas sighs and adjusts his bag before walking to the house in front of him while trying to ignore his ponding heart and his sweaty palms. It’s a cute house, he has to admit that. it looks cozy. Maybe it has to do with the fact that it’s made of wood. He steps on the porch, and takes a deep breath before knocking on the door. A couple of seconds pass before a beautiful brunette with big blue eyes and a warm smile opens the door. 

“Hi, I’m Teresa. You must be Thomas.” She says. Her voice is soft. It suits her, Thomas thinks. 

‘Okay Thomas, time to get your shit together.’ 

“Y-yeah.” Thomas stutters. He blushes embarrassed. Teresa doesn’t laugh though, and it makes him feel a little bit better. “Come in!” She tells him.

Teresa takes a step back to let him in, so he smiles awkwardly and complies. 

“C’mon, I’ll lead you too the living room. Chris is drawing.” 

He nods and follows her. He notices that her flower printed dress swirls as she walks: for some reason, it makes him smile.   
When they step in the living room, Thomas looks up and is overwhelmed by how homey it looks. the big mandala tapestry on the wall in front of him, the green plants, the big chocolate couch, the fluffy looking white rug, the cherry blossoms smell...It all makes the room ...comfortable. His eyes lands on a little girl with beautiful long brown hair and a look of intense concentration on her face as she colors in a mandala.

“Chris, your new babysitter is here.” Teresa announces. The girl’s head shots up and Thomas notices her eyes are just like Teresa’s. “Cool!” She exclaims happily. “C’mon sit with me! I’m coloring in a mandala, you can color in one too if you want!” Thomas is a little taken aback, and glances quickly at Teresa before joining Chris. “I will be upstairs if you need me!” she tells Thomas before leaving. “Mommy told me you’re Minho friend.” Chris says as she hands him crayons. Thomas nods awkwardly. “That’s cool. I love Minho, he’s a super cool cousin. Three months ago I got to stay with him for a week, it was amazing! I got to meet his best friend too,Newt. He’s cool too. He bought me the most beautiful dress for my birthday!” Chris happily chats, and Thomas smiles. it does sound like something the blond would do. “Are you friend with Newt too?” He nods.

Chris babbles until lunch time comes and Thomas decides to go look for the kitchen. He quickly finds it -the house is not very big after all. He looks through the cupboard before settling on making macarooni because really, he’s not much of a cook.   
He’s pouring water in a pan when Chris walks in the kitchen. 

“Can I stay with you?” She asks with a smile. Thomas smiles back and nods. 

She walks to the wooden table and sits on a chair before turning toward him. 

“How old are you?”

Thomas internally winces. Questions mean having to answer, and he really hoped he could go at least a day witout having to talk. He takes a deep breath, and tells himself “it’s okay” before speaking. 

“I am 18.” He says, and gives himself a pat for not stuttering. “I’m 7.” She pauses. “Do you have a lover?” She then asks him curiously.

Thomas can’t help but chuckle at how ridiculous it seems to him. He’s never been in an relationship, and he’s never really wanted to, too busy trying to not drown in the dangerous ocean that is his mind. 

“No.” “Me neither. and do you like cats?”

And the questions go on, and surprisingly, Thomas answers them. Something about the little girl makes him want to be friendly with her.   
Teresa comes down just in time for lunch. 

“Thanks for making lunch Thomas, I was so caught up in my work I didn’t really check the time.” Teresa apologizes. “Mommy’s writing a book!” Chris tells him with a proud smile. “Really?” he retorts, interested. “Yes.” She nods. “I write books for kids.” She explains.

Thomas can only smile at that. 

“Uh, it’ll be ready in two minutes so you can, um, sit down.” he tells her a bit too awkwardly for his liking. 

She nods, joins her daugther at the table and frowns down at the two plates. 

“You’re not eating with us?” She asks him. Thomas bites his lip, embarrassed. “No, I, I’m not hungry.” “Oh okay.” 

She drops the subject, and he silentely thanks her for it.

 

“So, how was it?” Newt asks him as they pull out of Teresa’s alley. “Great.” 

And he’s telling the truth. Chris is an interesting kid, very artistic and smart, and strangely, Teresa makes him feel a bit warmer. It’s not the same feeling he gets everytime he’s with Newt, but it’s still something nice and warm in his heart. 

“Good.” Newt smiles. “Teresa told me I did a good job and tomorrow she’ll leave me alone with Chris so she can go grocery shopping.” He pauses. “To be honest I’m a bit nervous.” “Why?” “Because what If I fuck up?” Newt sighs. “It’ll be fine, Tommy.”

Thomas wants to believe him, he really does, but he can’t stop the fear from creeping through his body.

“Tommy, seriously, don’t worry.” Newt comforts him. “Thank you.” Thomas smiles, and Newt smiles too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry it took me so long to update, I hope you liked the chapter, please leave comments!xx


	10. Chapter 10

Three weeks pass, and Thomas falls into the nicest routine he could ever wish for. From monday to friday, he spends the day at Teresa’s. He cleans up, does the laundry, and cooks. He goes pick up Chris at her school every afternoon and makes her a snack before helping her with her homework, then they usually draw or paint before he prepares dinner. He likes these days, he feels useful. He also likes how Teresa sometimes takes care of him. It makes him feel warm. She doesn’t ask questions when he skips lunch, every two days, or when he falls asleep on the couch, or cries in the kitchen. She just hugs him. and he’s happy with that.  
On the weekends, he mostly hangs out with Newt. They go to the mall, and Thomas is happy to spoil the blonde who often lectures him about how he should not spend his money on him. Thomas never listens to him though. If there is anyone he should spend his money on, it’s definetly Newt.  
And even though he doesn’t see Minho as often as Newt, they both became great friends. Thomas likes the asian’s sense of humour, and it’s always great to have a good laugh with him and not think about abything.  
But the feeling of home he feels when he’s with the three of them is not always enough. Sometimes his thoughts overwhelm him and there is nothing he can do about it. He can’t breath, he can’t move, he can’t scream, he can only cry. One night Newt found him curled up in a corner of the bathroom. He asked him what was wrong, but Thomas couldn’t answer. Newt didn’t get mad though, he just sat with him, took his hand and put it over his heart, and told him to try and breath with him. He did, and it worked. That night, Newt insisted that he slept with him, and ever since then, he’s been sleeping with them. He likes it. Newt keeps him warm.

“Tom?”

Chris’s voice snaps him out of his reverie. He turns his head in order to look at her, and smiles.

“Yes?” He says. “I wanna sleep at your place tonight.” She announces as she draws. “Oh, well, I guess Minho would be very happy to have you over! and your mom could use a little time to herself, I’ll go ask her then okay?” “Okay!” 

She grins widely and kisses his cheek before going back to her drawing. Thomas smiles before getting up and going upstairs to Teresa’s office. When he enters, she lifts her head up and welcomes him with a heart-warming smile. 

“Uh, Chris wants to sleep at my, I mean, Minho and Newt’s place tonight, so is it okay?” He asks. “Well tomorrow’s saturday so yes, if you guys don’t mind!” She accepts. “Okay, I’ll text Minho and Newt then.” He starts walking out of the room but Teresa stops him. “Wait Tom! Come sit down a minute.” 

She gets up,go sits on the couch and taps the empty spot beside her. So he complies, after all, why would he not. 

“i wanted to thank you, for taking care of Chris like that, and alos for the cooking and cleaning. It really helps me a lot.” Thomas blushes and smile shyly. “You’re welcome. It’s my job after all.” “But you are doing far more than just your job.” She pauses, and takes his hands in hers, which makes his heart beat a little bit faster “You know, Chris’s father left us when she was 6, and he never came back. It was very hard for her. But now that you’re here for her and that you take care of her, she seems happier. So thank you for that.” 

She seems so sincere and her smile is so bright that Thomas can’t help but smile too. For the first time in years, he feels like he’s actually done smoething other than fucking things up, and it feels amazing. 

Once Thomas gets out of Teresa’s office, he texts his friends -because yes, they are his friends-to tell them Chris will be coming back with him.

Newt: okay!  
Minho: then come to The glade at 07:00PM, that’s when my shift ends so we can eat there and they we head home together. I’ll tell Newt to join us too.

 

“I love that kid.” Newt chuckles as he takes his shirt off. 

They just got back from The glade, and all decided to go to sleep since they were all very tired, especially Chris, who immediatly ran to Minho’s bedroom as soon as Newt opened the front door.

“Yeah, she’s fantastic.” Thomas agrees with a smile on his lips. 

He then stretches his arms before jumping on Newt’s bed and wrapping himself in one of the many blankets sprawled out beside him. He breathes in the blonde’s scent and smiles; Rose is a cool scent. Newt joins him on the bed, and surrounds his body with his arms. Yeah, Rose is definitely a cool scent.

“You know I was thinking maybe we could go to the cinema tomorrow night.” Newt says. 

Thomas frowns, and realises he’s never been to the cinema. He blushes and feels very grateful that the light is off.

“Uh, yeah, why not.” He answers awkwardly. “Tommy if you don’t wanna go it’s fine, you know that, right?” “No Newt I do want to go, it’s just that...well, I’ve never been to the cinema before.” He explains.“Oh. well, there’s a first time for everything, right?” 

Thomas nods even though Newt can’t really see him, and smiles, relieved.   
He falls asleep thinking about lucky he is to have a friend like the blond, while said blond thinks about how much he loves him.

 

When Thomas wakes up, he feels a body on top of him, and frowns. When did Newt get so small?

“Tom you’re awake!” 

He blinks a few tiimes before realising the voice belongs to Chris. She gets off him and huriedly sits beside him as he stands up. 

“Hey Chris. Where’s Newt?” He asks with a sleepy voice. “He’s in the kitchen with Minho.By the way; You little liar!” She exclaims with a scowl. “What? Why?” He asks, confused. “You told me you had no lover! But Newt is obviously your lover! He was aaaaall over you all the time yesterday evening and you sleep together! why didn’t you tell me?” She sounds hurt, and Thomas feels bad so he grabs her hands before saying “Chris, Newt really is not my lover, I promise I would have told you if he was. We’re just really good friends, and we sleep together because, well, I prefer sleeping on a bed than a couch.” Chris purses her lips and squints her eyes before sighing. “Ok, I guess it could be the truth. BUT, if anything between you two ever happens i want to be the first one to know about it!” She exclaims. “I promise.” Thomas smiles.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys i'm so sorry it's been so long since the last time I updated. I hope you liked this new chapter anyway, please leave comments! xx


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